October 14, 2011
October 6, 2011
And I Wonder
At the stars in the night, I wonder
At Your lightning in the sky, I shudder
Your glory is a blanket that covers
Every living thing
I’m in awe at the majesty of who You are
Your love is a seal burnt inside my heart
All of the day I want to be where You are
Holy Father
And it feels like there’s not enough praise inside of me
With all these words, all my heart can sing is holy
You are holy
Jesus Christ
You bled Your love, laid down Yourself
And gave me life
In naked shame You hung and You were lifted high
Here I lay in awe and wonder
I am afraid
For no one’s ever sacrificed and loved me this way
So on my face I fall under Your heavy grace
Here I lay in awe and wonder
And I wonder
The convicting, searching love of God confronts me with such overwhelming simplicity. When I am searched, when my way is found out, my heart is crushed (but oh, so very gently!) from a hard, puffed up wretched thing, into a contrite heart, lowly and gentle. And I cry tears of shame...and relief.
To know that He who is above all sees me, and knows me, and doesn't allow me to go astray because He loves me is too wonderful a thought. I cannot grasp it. I cannot!
Psalm 139:6
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.
But I'm satisfied with what He allows me to understand.
The lyrics to the song above by Leeland gripped my heart instantaneously; I loved the song. I thought, "Another child of God experiences the same wonder I do. Oh joy!"
" I am afraid, for no one's ever sacrificed and loved me this way..."
Psalm 34:18
The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Psalm 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.
At church recently, the pastor commented on the quietness of the congregation after a sermon 1 John. Truth is, I was stunned, humbled, put to shame. And just as the pastor thought, everone else was too. A brother in Christ said it so well when he explained the gentle and quiet spirit he feels after understanding something more of God and His ways. Ways that are so much higher than ours. Higher than mine. So much higher than mine, for my ways are indeed wicked ways.
Isaiah 55:7-9
Let the wicked forsake his way, And the unrighteous man his thoughts; Let him return to the LORD, And He will have mercy on him; And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon.
“ For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts."
So here I am this afternoon, broken and crushed. Trembling faintly, just enough, like an aftershock, or that sensation one has after experiencing a hurt. But my hurt is the kind necessary for healing. And because of the Father's love for His children, He will hurt and heal as needed to make us the people Christians are to be. To be holy and set apart, that we may live.
Proverbs 3:12
For whom the LORD loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.
Hebrews 12:6-11
"For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.”
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
2 Corinthians 7:9
Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing.
1 Peter 2:9
But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.
Won't you rejoice with me, as I give praise and adoration to the Lord for His loving kindness towards me, toward all He loves? Let's rejoice together.
At Your lightning in the sky, I shudder
Your glory is a blanket that covers
Every living thing
I’m in awe at the majesty of who You are
Your love is a seal burnt inside my heart
All of the day I want to be where You are
Holy Father
And it feels like there’s not enough praise inside of me
With all these words, all my heart can sing is holy
You are holy
Jesus Christ
You bled Your love, laid down Yourself
And gave me life
In naked shame You hung and You were lifted high
Here I lay in awe and wonder
I am afraid
For no one’s ever sacrificed and loved me this way
So on my face I fall under Your heavy grace
Here I lay in awe and wonder
And I wonder
The convicting, searching love of God confronts me with such overwhelming simplicity. When I am searched, when my way is found out, my heart is crushed (but oh, so very gently!) from a hard, puffed up wretched thing, into a contrite heart, lowly and gentle. And I cry tears of shame...and relief.
To know that He who is above all sees me, and knows me, and doesn't allow me to go astray because He loves me is too wonderful a thought. I cannot grasp it. I cannot!
Psalm 139:6
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.
But I'm satisfied with what He allows me to understand.
The lyrics to the song above by Leeland gripped my heart instantaneously; I loved the song. I thought, "Another child of God experiences the same wonder I do. Oh joy!"
" I am afraid, for no one's ever sacrificed and loved me this way..."
Psalm 34:18
The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Psalm 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.
At church recently, the pastor commented on the quietness of the congregation after a sermon 1 John. Truth is, I was stunned, humbled, put to shame. And just as the pastor thought, everone else was too. A brother in Christ said it so well when he explained the gentle and quiet spirit he feels after understanding something more of God and His ways. Ways that are so much higher than ours. Higher than mine. So much higher than mine, for my ways are indeed wicked ways.
Isaiah 55:7-9
Let the wicked forsake his way, And the unrighteous man his thoughts; Let him return to the LORD, And He will have mercy on him; And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon.
“ For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts."
So here I am this afternoon, broken and crushed. Trembling faintly, just enough, like an aftershock, or that sensation one has after experiencing a hurt. But my hurt is the kind necessary for healing. And because of the Father's love for His children, He will hurt and heal as needed to make us the people Christians are to be. To be holy and set apart, that we may live.
Proverbs 3:12
For whom the LORD loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.
Hebrews 12:6-11
"For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.”
If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
2 Corinthians 7:9
Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing.
1 Peter 2:9
But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.
Won't you rejoice with me, as I give praise and adoration to the Lord for His loving kindness towards me, toward all He loves? Let's rejoice together.
Psalm 34: 1-3
I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul shall make its boast in the LORD;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
January 3, 2011
Confessions
I received three beautiful new notebooks for Christmas, two from my parents and one from a friend. I am thankful for them. Doubts had troubled me about the importance of writing and keeping a journal. I doubted my own ability to write well. Then I realized something...writing helps me remember. And there is value in the written record. Even now, I'd like to remember things I did two months ago, but I can only guess my thoughts about thoughts.
But here are sentiments from my Bible journal I did record. And later this year, I'll be able to remember.
December 30, 2010
This evening I bought a few songs with my iTunes g.card. So happy to have "Lamb of God" and How Deep the Father's Love", songs I can sing with in worship to help me remember the cross of Jesus daily.
"Your only Son no sin to hide
But You have brought Him from Your side
To walk upon this guilty sod, and to become the Lamb of God."
I've been thinking about my blog, and I realize that the only things I can write about with passion and fervor are spiritual things. And I haven't been able to write because of my disconnection from the spiritual. Funny how simple answers make my gigantic issues dissipate.
"O Lamb of God..."
I also bought "Promise of a Lifetime" because of the lyrics and the emotion the song conveys. It is the exact ideas my heart silently cried to days ago when I discovered the folly of my spiritual disconnection.
"I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
I'm feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away. Then I remember the pledge You made to me..."
So here I am at the end of the old year and the beginning of the new. I am retraining my heart, a task that requires tough sensitivity and firm diligence. I can't let my heart go.
Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.
Find me tried and true Lord! Cleanse me from secret sin. Give me a heart of wisdom. Help me to gain it. May I never leave the One foundation, a haven of comfort, satisfaction, plenty, and of peace. For the things that compete for my attention are transient and corruptible. They leave me hungry and wanting more of what cannot be given.
Psalm 23:1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
In these things my heart seeks a home to rest but deceives its self. Why must I wander when I know all else is barren and fruitless, Lord? My Lord, my Everlasting God who is living... take my heart and keep it safe.
Psalm 31:23 Oh, love the LORD, all you His saints!For the LORD preserves the faithful, And fully repays the proud person.
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
I entrust it to You wholly this evening for all time, for only You can keep it safe and well kept.
2 Chronicles 6:14 and he said: “LORD God of Israel, there is no God in heaven or on earth like You, who keep Your covenant and mercy with Your servants who walk before You with all their hearts.
What folly I thought (when did I begin? last year?) to think myself competent, able enough to carry burdens both small and great. In my pride I forsook You Lord! And just as I cry now I cried in the summer, desperate to know what my unknown secret sin was, wondering why You seemed so far off!
2 Chronicles 6:30
then hear from heaven Your dwelling place, and forgive, and give to everyone according to all his ways, whose heart You know (for You alone know the hearts of the sons of men),
Job 13:23 How many are my iniquities and sins? Make me know my transgression and my sin.
I knew you were not far...what invisible wall kept me back I know not, until Your light shone fiercely into my darkness and I could see my sin.
Psalm 18:28 You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.
Horrible and wretched, rebellious, hateful...But now it stands no more. My sadness and mourning have passed.
James 4:7-10
Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.
Your perfect love has cast our all fear; light has made manifest all things. Here, at the beginning of a New Year I feel exhaustion like that of a small child who confesses through the tears. My heart is light again; the feeling I had missed for months is restored to me. The peace I craved is here.
Psalm 19:13
Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins;Let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless,
And I shall be innocent of great transgression.
My Lord, My Father, Sun, Shield, Most High God! I praise You! I sing because I can't be silent! Beautiful Savior, You have made me new, for that is just as You do!
Psalm 6:2
Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am weak; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are troubled.
My feet are on the rock and I can dance. May my song be pleasing to Your ear; be patient with Me when You teach a new song or dance. The Lord God reigns over my heart forever, and all people will bow before Him and praise His name.
But here are sentiments from my Bible journal I did record. And later this year, I'll be able to remember.
December 30, 2010
This evening I bought a few songs with my iTunes g.card. So happy to have "Lamb of God" and How Deep the Father's Love", songs I can sing with in worship to help me remember the cross of Jesus daily.
"Your only Son no sin to hide
But You have brought Him from Your side
To walk upon this guilty sod, and to become the Lamb of God."
I've been thinking about my blog, and I realize that the only things I can write about with passion and fervor are spiritual things. And I haven't been able to write because of my disconnection from the spiritual. Funny how simple answers make my gigantic issues dissipate.
"O Lamb of God..."
I also bought "Promise of a Lifetime" because of the lyrics and the emotion the song conveys. It is the exact ideas my heart silently cried to days ago when I discovered the folly of my spiritual disconnection.
"I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullaby of pain
I'm feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away. Then I remember the pledge You made to me..."
So here I am at the end of the old year and the beginning of the new. I am retraining my heart, a task that requires tough sensitivity and firm diligence. I can't let my heart go.
Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.
Find me tried and true Lord! Cleanse me from secret sin. Give me a heart of wisdom. Help me to gain it. May I never leave the One foundation, a haven of comfort, satisfaction, plenty, and of peace. For the things that compete for my attention are transient and corruptible. They leave me hungry and wanting more of what cannot be given.
Psalm 23:1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
In these things my heart seeks a home to rest but deceives its self. Why must I wander when I know all else is barren and fruitless, Lord? My Lord, my Everlasting God who is living... take my heart and keep it safe.
Psalm 31:23 Oh, love the LORD, all you His saints!For the LORD preserves the faithful, And fully repays the proud person.
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
I entrust it to You wholly this evening for all time, for only You can keep it safe and well kept.
2 Chronicles 6:14 and he said: “LORD God of Israel, there is no God in heaven or on earth like You, who keep Your covenant and mercy with Your servants who walk before You with all their hearts.
What folly I thought (when did I begin? last year?) to think myself competent, able enough to carry burdens both small and great. In my pride I forsook You Lord! And just as I cry now I cried in the summer, desperate to know what my unknown secret sin was, wondering why You seemed so far off!
2 Chronicles 6:30
then hear from heaven Your dwelling place, and forgive, and give to everyone according to all his ways, whose heart You know (for You alone know the hearts of the sons of men),
Job 13:23 How many are my iniquities and sins? Make me know my transgression and my sin.
I knew you were not far...what invisible wall kept me back I know not, until Your light shone fiercely into my darkness and I could see my sin.
Psalm 18:28 You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.
Horrible and wretched, rebellious, hateful...But now it stands no more. My sadness and mourning have passed.
James 4:7-10
Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.
Your perfect love has cast our all fear; light has made manifest all things. Here, at the beginning of a New Year I feel exhaustion like that of a small child who confesses through the tears. My heart is light again; the feeling I had missed for months is restored to me. The peace I craved is here.
Psalm 19:13
Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins;Let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless,
And I shall be innocent of great transgression.
My Lord, My Father, Sun, Shield, Most High God! I praise You! I sing because I can't be silent! Beautiful Savior, You have made me new, for that is just as You do!
Psalm 6:2
Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am weak; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are troubled.
My feet are on the rock and I can dance. May my song be pleasing to Your ear; be patient with Me when You teach a new song or dance. The Lord God reigns over my heart forever, and all people will bow before Him and praise His name.
Psalm 5:3 My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD;In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up.
Psalm 34:3
Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
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